Resolutions of a Recovering Anorexic

 
New year’s resolutions are boring. Not to mention ineffective. But if you do have them, why not share them? Here are my five resolutions for the new year:

1. Keep my dependants alive
Since one week, I am the proud owner of not one, not two, but eight plants. I’ve had plants a few times before, but they never lived long. Although I kind of know how to care for them, I unwillingly project my abusive thoughts and attitudes about myself onto those poor plants as well. Thoughts like “They don’t need food yet”, “They’ll survive for another day”, and “They’ll just have to deal with things as they come”. I struggle to change these attitudes towards myself and my body, so I thought I’d start practicing with a bunch of plants. Who knows, one day I might be more kind to myself as well!

2. Be more positive
When I started this blog, my intention was twofold: to end the silence surrounding child sexual abuse, and to inspire others to do the same by showing how my life changed for the better once I started talking about my experiences. Looking at the blog posts I wrote in the past six months, I found them rather plaintive and not all that inspiring… So that will change! I am going to experiment with more positive posts, without downplaying the reality of child sexual abuse and mental illness. I’m curious to see how that will work out. Your ideas and feedback will be very much appreciated throughout this process, so do tell me what you think!

3. Find new friends
Alright, I’m now ready to admit that since moving to the UK, I have not been putting much effort into finding new friends. There always seemed to be a reason to stay home by myself, and I was remarkably often in need of rest or ‘me-time’. So, no more excuses in 2017. I need friends. This year I will actively go friend-hunting. In fact, I hereby promise to write about my progress, so I have no way out. I’m scared now.

4. Promote sustainability
I think my ecological footprint is relatively small: I don’t ever throw away food, I put on an extra layer of clothes before turning up the heat, I don’t eat meat or fish, a lot of my stuff is from charity shops (and goes back there when I don’t need it anymore), and I own a bicycle instead of a car. As I myself am consciously trying to make sustainable choices, I also observe how many other people are not. I don’t believe people are actively trying to destroy our planet; I think what’s missing is awareness in daily life. Which is where I am hoping to make a small difference this year! In 2017, I will more often stand up for my values, in particular sustainability, in day-to-day conversations. Fingers crossed my newly found friends won’t run away!

5. Reach my lowest weight ever
I’m not going to lie to you. This is my reality. I may look recovered from the outside, but on the inside all I want is to loose weight. Every day, every food choice I make is based on this one goal: losing weight. It’s sad, but true. I wish with all my heart that in 2017 I will finally manage to eat less, exercise more, and eventually be thinner than I’ve ever been.

And how about you? What are your plans and wishes for 2017?

11 thoughts on “Resolutions of a Recovering Anorexic

      1. I’d quite like to win an Olympic medal 😛 Haha no, I haven’t really made any this year. I also have an eating disorder – my resolution is half to recover and half to get to my lowest weight. Not sure which way it will go yet.

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      2. 🙂 an Olympic medal would be kind of cool 🙂 Thanks for stopping by my blog. Sorry to hear you have an eating disorder, hope your recovery half will win the battle (strange how this is so easy to see when it’s not about ourselves…). All my best, hope to see you again some time! Ana.

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  1. I love your resolutions! I don’t make any. I find that making them and then failing to fulfill them sets me back to far. I mean, I have things I want to do like drive across the country to visit my dad and brother, to continue bringing in some kind of spirituality (non-theistic) into my life to create a better sense of not being alone, to get done certain crochet projects but those aren’t resolutions. They are simply things on a list to get done.

    Hmm, yeah, I’m a “list person” so perhaps honoring that as well as watching the journey’s of those who do make resolutions would be a better perspective for me. 🙂

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      1. I am a crazy crochet maniac, lol, and do it continuously. However, for the first time, I’m making something just for me. I suppose that could have been a resolution. 🙂 It’s an advanced experience level project so will be all the more rewarding when I get it done!

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  2. I desperately want to lose weight as well. I can’t because I’ve been hospitalized three times for an ED and my parents control all of my food and watch me eat it. It makes my life a living hell and I can’t wait to escape their grasp to reach my lowest weight as well.

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    1. Thanks for reading Em! I know exactly how you feel and often feel the same. For me it helps to remember that it’s not my body or the food or my parents that make my life a living hell; it’s my eating disorder. I wish you all the best, love Ana

      Liked by 1 person

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